Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You are a booty call, not a friend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
