got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We left an ass print on the piano.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
