I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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