Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
