he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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