And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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