My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
