I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk is not a location!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
