i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
