the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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