Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
