Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
