broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
