perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
