I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
