I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
