my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
