Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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