first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
