i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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