I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
