Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
