I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
handjob tips. give me some.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
