When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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