Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
