from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
