i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
