it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
