That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
4 words: hood of his car
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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