You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
