fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
