The maid of honor just puked.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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