Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
