Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
