They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
