You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
