Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
false alarm. still invincible.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You may now shotgun with the bride
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
