My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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