So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
