sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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