Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
