I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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