Umm I'm too high to move.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
