it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
