no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I touched a dick in church today
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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