I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
