Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
