Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
