i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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