I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
