who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
